Miller Life

I hate blogging, but...

2011-11-03T16:21:00.004-05:00

I love the idea of blogging - writing so that others would read and know what was happening in the Miller Life that we (now 7) live. But quite frankly, I don't stick to blogging because I'm too worried about design, topics of interest for "readers" and everything else. So, I give up on the blogging idea and thus I give up on what I really want out of blogging... to have a journal of the Miller years. Instead of appealing to readers and keeping up with the latest design, I'm instead hoping to do what I originally wanted to do... just keep a record of our favorite memories, things that God is teaching me and things that I find important and how it relates to our family. There may not be many pictures (unless they are from my phone cam), there may be very brief snippets of memories, or if I get the time to journal, I may have longer drawn out thoughts. Who knows. I'm just hoping that I'll get everything in one place, which is another goal besides just the simple act of journaling. Thanks mom for my new netbook, I'm hoping that this little guy will help me along my journey.

JJ is almost two!

2011-01-29T18:50:00.000-06:00

So, I've had another kid since the last time I posted on this thing and JJ is almost 2 years old... blogging is so hard to keep up with. Maybe some day I'll get back into it!

JJ is ONE!

2010-02-17T21:25:00.001-06:00

Well, it's pretty hard to believe sometimes that JJ is already one. Then again, when you think about all that we've gone through in the last year, it's hard to believe sometimes that it's only been a year. Either way, this week we celebrated the little dude's birthday (kinda). The snow storm last week kinda wrecked our weekend birthday plans and so, we did a mini celebration while Matthew was taking a nap on Tuesday afternoon. Poor JJ, mama had schedule two doctor's appointments for him that day, so the morning was kinda rough. We discovered at the pediatrician's that both ear tubes are non-functioning (one of them even came out when Dr. Frank was trying to clear a glob of wax from his ear). So, tubes again sometime soon most likely. But at least the little man got to enjoy a cupcake that afternoon!

I really can't begin to sum up Josiah's year over these last 12 months, so I'm not really going to try. I will say that he is a great baby and lots of fun for Matthew, Daddy and I. He communicates pretty well with shaking his head and hand signs. He's not walking yet, but that could happen any day. We certainly have not been encouraging it! Matthew and JJ play together constantly with car, drums, trains or whatever. Usually wherever Matthew is, JJ is soon to follow. Despite all of the doctor's appointments, surgeries, ear infections, medications and what-not, Josiah has turned out to be a fun-loving, easy going little boy. And his boyish ways are shining through these days. But he will always break my heart when he says, "Mama." Sorry, Daddy, I've been working on "Dada" I promise.

3 in 3

2010-02-17T16:24:00.000-06:00

So, I'm a little behind in my blogging. Starting a Creative Memories business kinda distracted since August and then well, came October.

I've talked about the "Esther" Beth Moore Bible Study that our church did last Spring when I had JJ and the lesson that taught on the verse that poses the question, "And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" (4:14) It struck me because I watched this video three days before JJ was born with his cleft lip and palate. The afternoon before he was born, I was working on the homework that discussed this truth - who knows why you have been put in this situation, been brought to the point in life that you are in, but for this very reason? I realized that God had given us (particularily me) a special gift in JJ's cleft, knowing that he was going to have a lifetime of trials and difficult situations. Who often do children turn to but their mothers?

Well, this last Fall, I signed up to lead the Esther bible study for our Thursday morning ladies group which I've never done before. I mostly stepped up because of the impact the study made on me. A few weeks into the study I was once again listening to the study on "for such a time as this," and I have a question posing in the back of my mind.... something seems a little different.

The next day, I asked Scott to drop by the local pharmacy on his way home from work and pick up a pregnancy test since I was a day late already. He went outside to play with the boys and I decided to secretly go back in and take the test. Sometimes my hubby is so clueless. He just went to the store to buy the thing and then I went away for awhile and he didn't even have a clue that I took the test.

So I went back outside and chucked the test at him. He read the word "Pregnant" and just started laughing. He pretty much hasn't stopped laughing since then either. If it's was a boy, we were considering naming him "Isaac," which means "laughter." Fitting, huh?

Well, Beth Moore would probably be laughing too, because I can honestly say that I'm never going to watch the week 4 of the Esther Bible Study again. Who knows what might happen?!?!? Although I'm slightly kidding, we are excited for number 3 to join us. We have since found out it will be a boy and he is due to arrive in mid-June, one month before Matthew's third birthday. 3 in 3

On the same note, we used to criticize people with children so close together. I have literally said outloud, "They are crazy. We are never going to do that." HA! So much for that. These people are geniuses, we love having our kids so close together. It's pretty exhausting right now, and probably will be for awhile. But my doctor says the most c-sections she will do is 8 or 9, so at least I know there will be some end to the madness.

Oh, and, I'm not doing my Creative Memories business anymore. Too much else for me to do with family and kids. Another HA!

Baby Boy #3 First Photo Shoot

2010-02-10T16:36:00.004-06:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

Here was our 20 week sonogram photo shoot of unnamed baby BOY #3 in the Miller house. He looks completely healthy. His head is measuring a week ahead (as Miller usual) and everything else is right on track. AND, there is no sign of a cleft lip and palate (although they can't really see the palate in sonos). So, that is a relief. Everything else looks healthy.

I think we are a little relieved to be having another boy, since it makes life a whole lot easier when it comes to the stuff. But both of us were looking forward to buying some pink this Spring I think.

Now we just have to come up with a name....

We will probably schedule his birth between June 15-17.

Oh Bother...

2010-02-03T10:35:00.001-06:00

"It's okay... You can put me in the washer again. I'm covered in puke, again.... So, even though I spun around that washer yesterday, I suppose I should do it again today."

This is Eeyore or "My Buddy" as Matthew calls him. Matthew and JJ each have two of them. But Matthew's are a little different texture so we can tell the difference. Matthew's buddies have been through the spin cycle more times than I can even begin to imagine. Yet, they are faithful to love and be loved every day. Since Matthew was three months old, he has fallen asleep rubbing Eeyore's ears. Most of the day now, his buddies are just lying around the house because there are many more toys to play with. But every once in awhile I find him rubbing his ears during the day, just to tell him he loves him and he's glad Buddy is there.

As a mama, I often feel like Eeyore. Cleaning up puke (again) or the 6th poopey diaper of the day (my boys have issues it seems). But every once in awhile, I get a running hug from a two year old or wet kisses from a baby and I know that I am loved and appreciated.

My heart aches, because I'm sure this is much how our God feels - tossed to the side like an old faithful treasure. I'm praying more and more that I will not just cast Him aside as I have so often in the past.

Someday, all that is left of Matthew's buddies will be this picture. But I will always remember that he's a part of our family. He's dried my son's tears, eased his fears, and at one time, captured his heart. Even if he does get the occassional puke bath and is thrown into the fan, he is dearly loved.

January 2010 Pictures

2010-01-31T16:41:00.008-06:00

This month is definitely recovery month - not just for JJ, but mama too after an exhausting first trimester. I was going to bed between 8:30-9 and waking up at 7, and still sneaking in every possible nap during the day that I could (rare) and slightly living off DP during the day. What a whip!

I'm thankful that the boys are playing a lot together on their own. My lower back is hurt pretty much all of the time from carrying them around (mostly JJ obviously). It's really fun to watch them play together though. JJ, despite an ear infection and three bouts of pink eye, has recovered well from his surgery. His entire palate isn't fixed. I guess it's common after surgeries. He has one hole in the back center of his mouth that I think explains a lot of the excess bleeding he had after surgery and why food still comes out of his nose at times. It's less than a quater inch around, but he likes to play with it and get air to pass through it. It making sucking a little difficult, but I think that he's adapting to having it there. We will discuss whether we need it fixed before his next scheduled surgery (age 3-4) or if it might just heal up on its own. The other hole is right behind his top teeth, there is a crevice that seems to hold more food in it than it lets through to his nose. He gets all kinds of these stuck up there. So, we are brushing his teeth to get a lot of that stuff out, which he doesn't seem to mind.

It was my 29th birthday this month and I can finally say that I'm 29 since I've been saying that already for over a year (I just can't seem to keep track of my age for some reason).

Preparing for Palate Surgery - Dec 29th

2009-12-22T09:42:00.001-06:00

It seems like forever ago that JJ had his first surgery to repair his lip and now we are finally getting ready for his palate repair (closing up the roof of his mouth). Basically a cleft palate means that he has no roof to his mouth, just a bridge in the middle and then it's all open from his nose to his mouth. Which means that everything in his mouth goes in his nose and everything in his nose goes to his mouth. It makes feeding times fun when his food comes out of his nose and it makes having colds yummy too! :) It will be great to get this fixed, although you would think that it bothers him and trust me, it's the least of his concerns.

JJ has turned into quite the personality in our house. He truly is the happiest baby (as long as he is fed) that I've seen and people tell me this all of the time. It doesn't matter where we go, JJ is making friends with someone. My uncle even said that when he looks at you it's like he's speaking to your soul. :) Hilarious. God has blessed him with an awesome easy-going and joyful personality. The kid eats solid foods like a champ, better than Matthew ever did, no matter if it goes in his nose or not. He's also recently discovered the whole crawling thing and is making a mess of my house as I type.

His palate repair surgery is on Tuesday, December 29th at 7:30 a.m. at Children's Medical Center in Dallas. We are expecting to stay there two nights as I hear this recovery time is worse than the first surgery, if for no other reason than he's older, more mobile (and yet will have to wear arm restraints for awhile) and more used to solid foods (which he can’t have for 10 days I think).

Please pray for….

Health in our household, especially for JJ. The main reason we scheduled JJ for the 29th was to get in before the end of the calendar year and thus be basically free for us since we’ve met our deductible already. If it gets postponed, it automatically means a giant bill for us. But all of us have been kinda sick the last few weeks, especially me since I’m not getting over it. It’s hard to say, but we are trying to avoid nurseries and places where we usually get sick this Christmas because JJ cannot get sick this week!
Safe travel for my parents who are coming to say with Matthew for a few days while we take care of JJ. Matthew will be more aware that something is going on to, but loves having the g-rents to play with.
Dr. Craig Hobar, his nurses and surgical team. Pray for wisdom and guidance for Dr. Hobar and steady hands. Dr. Hobar loves Jesus, so it’s reassuring to know his confidence comes from the Lord.
Recovery time while we are in the hospital, that JJ will figure out how to drink his food again (he hasn’t taken bottles in a couple of months) and that he will not have any bad reactions or complications from anesthesia. I believe that as long as he’s eating okay, we are able to go home, which is usually better for all.
Pray that he has a miracle happen and doesn’t feel the need to suck on anything when he falls asleep. The boy loves putting things in his mouth, especially when falling asleep. But he’s not going to be able to for at least 10 days because he could easy undo his repair if he did – thus the reason for arm restraints.
Pray for patience for Scott and I for those 10 days! Being pregnant again means that mom is always tired as it is and Daddy is picking up the slack. We are going to need guidance in how to care for JJ and the strength/energy to make it through the recovery period.

I’m pretty confident that the Lord gave JJ this great temperament for such a time as this! We will keep you all posted via Facebook on his status as we can that day and throughout his recovery period. I’m hoping to get some pictures up soon because the kid is just too stinkin’ cute.

Thank you all for praying for us and loving us the way you do. Many have asked if we need meals during the recovery time—I’ll let you know! My mom will take care of us while she’s here and after that, I will probably be asking for help since Scott will be going to work on the 4th as well. Matthew just might need a place to go and play sometimes.

Blessings!

It's been awhile...

2009-09-30T11:06:00.001-05:00

This is much how my last blog just withered away to nothing... I was wrapped up in my wonderful life trying to juggle everything and keep my sanity. Of course, then, I didn't have a husband, two kids, and now my own business! :) So, here I am, almost two months since my last post. And if you could see my inbox - both the concrete one and the electronic one, you might understand why.

But last night, I was laying in bed at midnight, having just watched a great new episode (new, as in last week - love free on demand) of NCIS. It had been a long day of walking around my frazzled house, with my frazzled hair that hasn't been cut since JJ was three weeks old. I couldn't sleep. So, I went out to the garage and got my Bible that has been sitting in my car for two weeks and flipped around, wondered what the Lord wanted me to read.

This week, I've also been sorting through some pictures of an old friend who passed away. I've taken them all out of these ratty picture albums that are yellowing and removed them from a box that's been sitting in my garage for 10 years. I finally put them in a safe acid-free place in my new CM sort box. After being in tears that they have yellowed and practically ruined themselves, I'm at least feeling better that they shouldn't anymore than they already have. Eventually (hopefully sooner than later) I'm hoping to work on a StoryBook of Laura and our friendship. Even just sorting through the pictures is difficult for me sometimes. I have most of those images committed to memory, but it would be nice to have something better than a box of old ratty pictures to someday show my daughter (if I ever have one) who will be named after Laura. Anyway - all that to say, Laura's favorite book in the Bible was James... so I turned there.

I've always wondered what it would be like to be Jesus' little brother. Watching my two boys interact these days is pretty fun. I wonder if James thought Jesus was as funny as JJ thinks Matthew is (and vice versa). Did Jesus sit and laugh with James when he threw something on the floor like Matthew does with JJ? Did He, as a child who is God, also know just how much God the Father delights in His creation of James. To think, Matthew loves JJ - there is no question of that. They have the greatest little brother/big brother bond, even already in JJ's 7.5 little months, and you can see how much he loves JJ every time he looks at him. Yet Matthew doesn't love JJ as Jesus loves JJ. So when Jesus looked at James and found joy in His little brother, did He also look at James and see the cross. He must have. If Jesus died for the criminal next to Him, He certainly died for His little brother. When Jesus was a child and He and James were playing, did He think of the death He would endure so that His brother, James, would have a way to the Father. I would have liked to see that look at Jesus' face. And I suppose someday I will.

...to die is gain

2009-08-23T22:12:00.004-05:00

Have you ever had some event change your perspective on life, at least momentarily? I’m guessing most people have, and I’m no different….one was very recent. Driving home from work, stopped at a red light, the arrow turned green and I looked both ways hesitated and thought that car seems to be driving way too fast. Sure enough he hit his brakes at the very spot he would have broadsided my driver side door, had I not hesitated and looked. Can’t say for sure, but there’s a pretty good chance I wouldn’t have made it through that one……so what runs through your head when you realize you could have just died?

This is a rough version of what went through mine……”What would I do differently if I lived every day like it was my last? Isn’t that how we’re called to live every day? As tragic as it would be, how awesome would it be to go home? Holy cow…..I think there are some things I need to change in my life!”

Of course that was after the guy sitting sideways in the middle of the intersection was given the “holy cow you’re an idiot” look, but ultimately it really kind of shook me up. Now I just need the patience and courage to figure out what and how to make those changes…..sounds like a pretty good prayer!

Man Up, Men!

2009-08-06T22:59:00.005-05:00

So, I’ve been sharing a lot lately about how God has been breaking my heart for broken families, the marriages that struggle to go on and the kids that are affected for life. As a child of divorced parents, I’ve seen the profound effect divorce has on a husband, a wife, children, and the roles that it seems to force people into. All too often I’ve heard the cop out phrase “we want to do what’s best for the kids”, and today I heard “it’s just too hard, we can’t live together anymore”, and these types of phrases frustrate me beyond words. Rather than internalize it, I figure what the hey….let’s try blogging and see how poorly I can articulate my feelings about generations of men that need to Man Up!
Kimi and I have been married three years, so I am certainly no expert on marriage. Nor would I expect to counsel anyone on marriage, at least not until we get a decade or two behind us. On top of that if I started listing my failures as a husband in just those three years I would never get to the point I’m trying to get to. Let me tell you what I do believe…….

I made a vow before God and witnesses to fight with everything that I am for my marriage
God’s heart is for marriage to last, even with the outs He gave, He would prefer forgiveness and reconciliation
Marriage is sacred
Marriage is worth fighting for
Marriage is hard
God grows us more in hard times
Kids should never come before your spouse
Kids should never be the center of a marriage
This list could go on and on, but here’s the point…..

Why aren’t there more examples of men that fight for their marriages? Why do so many men run at the first sign of trouble? Why don’t we expect men to live with integrity and stay good on the choice they made to love someone for the rest of their lives? When did we start making kids the center of a marriage instead of God?
How refreshing would it be if those men who have fought, who didn’t run, who do have integrity, who do center their marriage on God stood up and realized the difference they can make in this world? Lord knows I hope and pray that I am one of those men until the day I die, and that our marriage is a testament to His grace, peace, and love.
So, nothing too profound here, just a little venting. Because to be completely honest, I’m tired of seeing men in my life, who should be examples, running like little sissies when times get tough. Rather than sacrificing their lives for the vows they made......rather than Manning Up!

Grabber

2009-08-04T09:47:00.001-05:00

JJ is just grabbing at everything these days. I was trying to get some photos of him yesterday and this is what he did. The little sucker is strong too! Got a grip of death that's hard to pry loose. It was amazing that I got any pictures of him. He's so curious about everything. It's a different kind of curious than Matthew because instead of screaming and jumping up and down, JJ just stares thoughtfully.

Cute. Although the 2 year old's excitement is just as fun.

Why aren't moms smarter?

2009-07-28T12:53:00.003-05:00

I'm speaking for myself here, but I hear it's a common thing that once you get pregnant, you begin to lose your mind. You're forgetful, do silly things, things that you would never do before you get prego. And if you get pregnant again, it just seems to compound the issue the more kids you have.

So, why is it that God didn't just cut us a break and throw a smart hormone into the whole pregnancy mix? You think that wouldn't be too difficult.

Can you tell I'm having one of those days? It's hard to get out the house with Matthew and JJ sometimes. First just trying to get their schedules right so that they get naps, are fed and rested so that I'm not taking two screaming kids to run errands. But even if I get all of that perfect, I still have to search for 30 minutes for a stupid prescription piece of paper that I put in a "safe" place last night when I was picking up. Then to finally find it, get in the car, drive to the store, get boys out of the car to walk into Target to fill the prescription, only to look in my wallet and not find it. So, I go back out to the car (Target was really busy today, it was a hike) only to find the stupid prescription in my purse the whole time.

What is that? Why could I not just remember that I put it in a certain spot in my wallet in the first place to save the stupid feeling I while have standing at the counter and this young 20 year old is just looking at me like I'm crazy fiddling through all of the coupons in my purse?? Can't wait for those people to have kids themselves and do the same thing.

So, I bring that stupid prescription back into Target and the chickie tells me that it's a compounded prescription and they don't fill those at Target. Well, I was about to compound something right there, that was for sure!

I'm a little bitter toward this stupid prescription right now. I've had it sitting around my house for two weeks and decided today that I was going to make sure that I finally remembered it, go to Target to get it filled and she tells me that I have to go to a special compounding pharmacy for it. * sigh * rolling eyes * sigh again *

So, I'm back home again because both boys fell asleep and I have no filled stupid prescription and I feel like a stupid person.

Honestly, I am an educated, experienced woman. At times I have brillant ideas and ponder profound thoughts and truths from God. But you wouldn't know it from the makeup I've been wearing since last night, the messy pony tail in my frazzled hair, my unpainted toe nails or the spit up stain down the front of my wrinkled shirt.

It's why I like spending time with old colleagues and friends from college - because they know me as that person and I don't always feel like a lunatic mom all of the time.

P.S. Catching Up

2009-07-23T01:07:00.001-05:00

If it seems like I have a lot more and longer posts lately it's because I'm trying to catch up since I started this blog 4 months into JJ's cleft repair. A lot happened in those first few months I haven't yet blogged about. I'll eventually probably post date this stuff and it will be in the proper order. But for now, you might be getting a lot of catching up posts.

I * Children's...

2009-07-22T23:19:00.007-05:00

Hospital, that is. We went down to Dallas today (all of 30 minute drive at the most because there wasn’t much traffic) for JJ’s 6 week check up with the ENT and Orthodontist. We go back next week for his six week appointment with the plastic surgeon. I’m thankful that these appointments are consider part of the post-op and they didn’t ask me for our $50 specialist co-pay for each of these appointments, but I digress. We will save insurance and cost issues for another day.

It’s been 4 weeks since we went to visit anyone down at Children’s after our initial two week appointments post-lip surgery that happened on June 9^th. We were originally scheduled for June 30^th for his surgery and I can say that I’m sooooo glad that we moved it up. Three less weeks of changing the appliance, and three more weeks of healing under our belt so that we can now saw we have hit the 6 week mark. Even though 4 weeks isn’t that long ago, after going there every week, sometimes twice a week for 3.5 months, it felt like forever since we last drove down there. And really, after Tuesday's final post-op appointment, who knows when we will go again.

It’s kinda sad really – I love Children’s. From the moment I stepped through their doors with my 4-day-old newborn, I felt a peace about the fact that we were there. People greet you when you come in the doors and direct you to the right place to go (it’s hard to get lost unless you deliberately try). I used to hate walking into giant hospitals with several towers and hallways and elevators – I always got lost. When Matthew was born at Plano Presby, I had no idea where my room was, I almost always got lost after I took my walks around. We just didn’t have that problem at Children’s. Not to mention that the people who are at the front desk always asked how he was doing and ooooh’d and ahhh’d over JJ every time we went – even the first time when his cleft was at its worst. One guy Todd in particular became our favorite “registration desk” person and we were really bummed we didn’t see him today.

The thing about a children’s hospital is that it could be a really tough place to be. It could be really depressing to see child after child with birth defects and abnormalities or severe debilitating trauma injuries. But that’s not the environment you find at Children’s in Dallas. We have seen so many children that have things “worse off” than JJ and truly consider JJ’s condition as not that big of a deal. We are blessed, we know and are thankful. It’s no wonder they were selected as one of the top 10 Children’s hospitals in the country.

But I’m most thankful that even though we had no idea that JJ was going to have a cleft when we was born that our pediatrician, Dr. Frank, referred us. I believe it was God at work making sure we’d be in the right place. We have fallen in love with the place – the people, the atmosphere, the clean bathrooms! If Scott’s job moved us to Florida (which we recently considered), we decided we would still fly to Children’s in Dallas to be with Dr. Hobar and the rest of the Clinic team there. I didn’t have the chance to research who the best doctor was or find the best specialist in the country. JJ was already here and we needed to go.

It’s really funny how God works sometimes. JJ was born early Monday morning. Dr. Frank gave us the number to Dr. Hobar’s office and we didn’t think twice about if we were able to “get in” or he fit with our insurance (p.s. technically none of the craniofacial specialists seem to be on anyone’s insurance). We just called and the lady that Scott talked to said Dr. Hobar wasn’t taking any new patients, but we could have another guy. Then all of the sudden after finding out the JJ had a bi-lateral cleft lip and palate, she put Scott on hold and a minute later said that Dr. Hobar would take Josiah as a patient. That shows heart if you ask me. And you just gotta have a doctor with heart. You need a doctor you are comfortable letting your guard down with because you are entrusting your child into their hands. And you also need someone you can feel like you can ask a lot of “stupid” questions – because we had a ton of questions.

When you are new to clefts or any condition that requires hospitalization for your kid, you don't think about a lot of things you probably should. By the time when we decided to continue treatments at Dallas, I wasn’t even thinking about whether or not we’d have to share a room with another child after our surgeries (like our new friend Heather in WA) or if I would trust the nurses to show up on time for pain meds. Nor did I wonder if they would call me every hour when he was in surgery to give us a status update (which they do). I didn’t care if our room would have a full-size bathroom and a pull out couch for my hubby and I (both) to be able to sleep on. (Yes both, it was tight, but we definitely fit.) I didn’t think to ask if there were pictures on the walls or if the atmosphere was encouraging to be in (or clean!). I didn’t even consider whether or not the other moms in the waiting room would actually approach me and offer encouragement that their child went through the same thing. I also didn’t think about the little things like waiting areas (because you do A LOT of waiting) that are kid-friendly for our 2 year old sibling who couldn’t go to the babysitters. That place is like Disney World for Matthew!

I didn’t worry about how all of the doctors in the Craniofacial Team would communicate with each other about JJ’s progress and treatments. (Crap, I didn’t know what the heck craniofacial meant because I had never heard the word before.) I didn’t know that I could expect all of them to be on the same page at every appointment because of an awesome nurse coordinator, Leesa, who always pops her head in. I didn’t worry about the quality of the nurses or the fact that I would trust them doing a lot of the “doctors” only work because they are just that darned experienced.

Nor did I worry about how our insurance would be filed (if I would have to do all of that paperwork or if they would just take care of that for us), which a mother told me of her awful experience at a neighboring hospital today and why it was a major reason she switched over to Children’s.

I also didn’t think about how I would love humble doctors and nurses who simply just work hard at their jobs because they love doing them that much. Even after talking with one of our nurses today, we had NO IDEA that JJ’s orthodontic treatments were so unique. That there are only four hospitals in the country that do it the way they do and that this team was the second to start them. Do these doctors brag about their advancements or talents? Certainly not to us! In fact, the only people to recommend Dr. Hobar to us were other doctors – our pediatrician and our OB. Both of them loved him and thought that he did great work and was the kind of person that not only does great work, but is a good doctor all-around (bedside manner, care for patients). We have great relationships with our ped and OB and I’m very thankful that they knew us well enough to recommend another doctor just like them.

All I can say really, is that I’m thankful. I’m thankful that God put us where we ended up. We have found a home at Children’s Hospital in Dallas with the Craniofacial Team there. We are thankful for those people and value the work that they do and already consider so many of them friends. I really can’t imagine what it will be like 20 years down the road when I’m not making at least yearly trips down there. You might find me getting a nursing degree or something, or at least I might be in a red and white stripped outfit. Who knows.

JJ's Six Week Post-Op

2009-07-21T21:13:00.009-05:00

Today mark's JJ's six week mark after this cleft lip repair surgery and the little chunker is just so darn cute, I can't stop taking pictures of him sometimes. Click on the one above for a full-size look at his lip. He's definitely got the cute, flattened mostly bi-lat cleft nose (which I see all over the clinic, so he's not alone). I'm loving the tiny little top lip he's got going because most of the time he's got this cutey pouty bottom lip. He's pretty centered, which I'm highly impressed with because he was kinda favoring the right side when he was born. I'm severely impressed (does that emphasize my impressed-ness, enough?) with the scar that is actually on his upper lip. It hasn't raised one bit and it's not nearly as red as I was expecting it to be. You can also see his little Italian side coming out and a hairy top lip forming (he gets that from me). :)

The funniest thing about his whole repair is that the right side under his nostril seems as though it's going to be the "worst" scar of them all and that was the side that he the incomplete cleft on. Go figure. Again, all I can is Dr. Hobar is my hero. Every time I take off his scar treatment silicone thing at night, I'm just amazed at what Dr. Hobar called a "delicate artistry." The dude has a got a gift. To be able to go from this....

To this....

It's amazing... If anyone is wondering, Dr. Hobar does do all kinds of plastic surgery (not that I recommend plastic surgery for something that you just don't like, but you could check out his other work too ;)~). I'm just kinda thankful that he has this "other" kind of clientele because I'm sure it help fund his passion.

Plus, he looks super cute in his get-up (don't worry, my husband would say the same thing). Dr. Hobar has a great heart for these little babies, not to mention his love for the Lord. I'm not saying that you have to be a Christian to be a good doctor, but it's simply refreshing to actually meet a man who shows God's glory through the talents that he has been given and honors the One who gave them to him.

And while I do miss JJ's cleft sometimes these days, I am beginning to forget when he used to look like (and it's only been six weeks!). It feels good to at least be part of the way through the journey and to be able to say that we've been there, done that. Somehow, I sleep better at night. I know that we have a loooonnggg way to go, but it's one step at a time.

---------------

I have to mention one thing.... There is another man (and his team) I have neglected to even mention yet on this blog, Dr. Supakit Peanchitlertkajorn, Josiah's orthodontist. Obviously we called him Dr. Supakit for short because I haven't the slightest clue on how you pronounce his last name. Believe me, it looked pretty cool on all of his degree certificates in his office. Dr. Supakit was actually the first person we met out of the cleft clinic team at Children's and played a major role in JJ's first few months of his pre-surgical treatments. I'm working on another post about the appliance and Dr. S, so stay tuned. The dude is also my hero.

Scar Treatment

2009-07-18T23:01:00.002-05:00

I think I forgot to mention that JJ has been wearing a silicone patch on his lip for scar management. Every time we take it off to clean it/put on a new one, we are impressed at how amazing his scar looks. The only place I think that he's going to have bad scar is under his right nostril, which is kinda surprising because that nostril wasn't even completely clefted. (is that a word?)

Anyway, this is one of my new favorite pictures of JJ. I'm having to train myself to look at his eyes instead of always focusing on his nose and mouth. And I'm discovering what many people tell me when they first meet JJ - that he has very sweet eyes. :) I am totally used to something on his lips all of the time for the last few months. It will be nice for the day when we just get to see JJ as JJ, but I'm patient. He's got another month of this silicone treatment and then just massage and vitamin E. Awesome.

So impressed by Mommies

2009-07-17T14:14:00.002-05:00

Seriously, I have NO idea when so many of these moms out there in the world wide web have time to do all of the things that they do. Do you women ever sleep?!?! I suppose I must be the laziest person in the world, but I can't keep up with the rest of you! Then, I think, that maybe it's because so many of you have kids that are in grade school, but it's summertime and you are still at your part-time jobs, home Internet business, cooking really cool things and taking great pictures. Not to mention you usually have a pretty awesome hobby that I wish I had. But I'm just not sure how your minds don't explode from all of the creativity that gushes out. Me, I'm more of the person to just rip ideas off of others. And maybe that's what many of you are doing - but how do you have the time to do all of that research? Maybe I'm just being too consumed with reading about all of the other things you all are doing and instead should be using that time for something else. :) Moreover, you also have time to blog about all of it all of the time - it's time-consuming! And my days seem to be flying by lately.

My youth minister (who is finally a g-pa, congrats!) used to tell me, "Kimi, if the devil won't make you bad, he'll make you busy." And that was certainly the truth for me, maybe still is, but I'm definitely not as productive as I should to be. I have to very cute interruptions that like to pop in every few minutes. I wish that I could say that with the lack of "doing" everything else that I'm spending lots of time in the Word or just hanging out with Jesus in some mountain top glorious worship experience every time my kids go down for a nap, but that isn't happening either.

Just want to say that all you Proverbs 31 women out there - you impress me and you inspire me. I really do hope that you are getting the time with Jesus that you need. And occasionally that you are at least getting some beauty rest as well.

Oh No!

2009-07-17T10:17:00.001-05:00

I know you clefty moms will understand, this is not a good thing. Recently, Matthew (our two year old) enjoys playing in the sink with a trickle of water and a couple of bottles. Somehow I've been missing the values to my Haberman bottles - they are ending up in the garbage disposal... AH! Not good. This one especially lost its battle. It was the first of three so far to go. :(

Feeding JJ

2009-07-15T20:47:00.006-05:00

JJ is eating solids! It is the messiest thing I can think of and aren't we moms always trying to keep them cleaned up?!? I suppose that he isn't any messier than Matthew was. Can't tell the difference can ya? Well, I didn't have a really messy pictures of Matthew at 5 months, trust me, he was just as bad.

Feeding solids has gone okay... Thanks to some reassurance from a fellow clefty mom, Heather, I think that he's doing really great. He took to it much faster than Matthew did. He does get tired and frustrated because he constantly has cereal going into his nose, and when he sneezes - it goes everywhere! Funny, really, but my laundry has greatly increased. My pediatrician didn't really know what to tell me about feeding him solids since he doesn't have an appliance or anything and the only advice I got from the clinic was "go ahead, just make sure it's soft." It is times like these that other clefty moms are VERY helpful!

Feeding JJ has been an interesting process. It was certainly the first thing that we worried about when he was born. It seems even the nurse had to "refresh" herself on the bottles and how they work. It didn't look like she had ever done it before... but he ate just fine and really had no major problems. It was something to get used to for sure.

Haberman Bottles
These are the bottles that we use to feed JJ and he's done well with them since birth. They have a one-way value that allows milk to go into the nipple which is gently squeezed to help him get milk out. The bottles have three levels of milk flow - slow, medium, fast - as you can see a line on the nipple. They are made by Medela and sell for almost $30 online. So, we were thankful that we were given a few from the hospital when he was born and then our cleft clinic gave us plenty of them. I did buy a couple when we first got home from the hospital before I realized the clinic would give them to us. It's ridiculous that our insurance wouldn't cover them if you ask me. But I guess I didn't have to worry about it. I did have to buy the 8 oz Medela bottles in order to work with our Haberman nipples since they are a different size and the Habermans only come with 2.5 oz bottles. (I used the 5 oz Medela bottles from my pump as well.)

When JJ first started it took like 45 minutes to get him to take 2 ounces. We would try to get that under 30 minutes, but it was hard. Then we he got his appliance, we were able to feed him 4 oz in under 20 min. It was awesome! Less squeezing too because eventually he figured out how to get most of it out by himself by chomping on those nipples. Scott prided himself on feeding him in under 10 minutes! But because he was chomping on them so much, we went through nipples like crazy! Probably like two a week were tearing so badly that he was practically drowning from the flow. Now that he's done with the lip surgery/appliance, he is a little slower, but all of our Haberman nipples are slighty torn on the opening so he gets all of the milk out he wants. If they aren't torn, I have to cut them in order to get it to the flow that he likes. Otherwise, he's just frustrated.

Breastfeeding
Guys, you probably want to stop reading... :) JJ got formula while we were in the hospital until my milk came in and then he was on breastmilk until the end of June. Clefts must not be common at Plano Presby because not only did the nurse really seem to need a refreshers, but our lactation consultant actually told me that he would be able to nurse. She knew that he had a cleft palate and insisted that he would be able to get a deep suck. It was frustrating, because I could tell that he wasn't getting anything. He was getting frustrated and upset because he was hungry and I was forcing him to try to nurse when he obviously couldn't. I was thankful when we went to the Ortho clinic and he told me that I would never be able to breastfeed him - at least then I knew I wasn't crazy for thinking it was impossible!

I began pumping in the hospital because I thought I need to "help" him. But I knew that when they wheeled in that yellow machine, my heart was crushed. My experience with breastfeeding Matthew was pretty terrible. He was awful at it and I was always discouraged that he wasn't getting enough, feedings took like 45 minutes, I was exhausted all of the time. It was just so hard. I almost hated it, but I knew that breastmilk was best for him. At 3 months, I started pumping exclusively for him and let Scott or I give him bottles and it was much more of a delightful experience (especially when Scott did the 2 a.m. feeding). But pumping exclusively is hard when the baby stops sleeping all of the time and is more active. It's just hard to get in 8 pumps a day. So, my milk dwindled. Then at 5.5 months I started my period again, he completely rejected breastmilk and would only take formula.

Oddly enough, JJ did the same thing. I had pumped exclusively for him since day one and now with two kids, pumping even 6 times a day got harder and harder come 3 months in. But then when you get a blister the size of a nickle in a place that blisters just should not be, pumping is just flat out painful. So, my milk dwindled again and after my period started up, JJ wouldn't take the milk either. In fact, he spit up everything. It was awful. Thankfully, I had 30 days worth of milk stocked up in the freezer - that's 750 ounces of milk in bags! It took up three shelves in our freezer. I wish I had taken a picture, sadly I did not. But I could show a still completely cleaned out freezer. So I got JJ through his first surgery with breastmilk and that was the only goal I had set, knowing that pumping all of the time was so difficult, especially with two kids.

Pumps
I rented a Medela Symphony pump from the hospital (because it was easier just to take it home and not cheaper). And then I bought the Freestyle pump (which I should have just rented, because I only needed it for a couple more months). The Freestyle was nice because I could walk around the house or help Matthew out instead of being stuck in a chair pumping all of the time. I also used my Pump In Style that I bought with Matthew (It was not as effective as the Symphony/Freestyle, but it did fine).

I like the Medela pumps. But I've certainly invested enough money in them - extra parts so I wasn't washing after every pumping, extra bottles, two pumps - that's a lot of cash and I only have 8 months worth of pumping between the two boys. Probably at least $100 a month for breastfeeding when formula would cost me half of that. Ouch. But breastmilk is best huh? I feel like I should just try pumping for my next one even if they are awesome nursers, just to get my money's worth. Note about the Freestyle: I didn't not sure the crazy hookups that they had. Instead, I bought a cup holder bra that held up the cups/bottles. The Freestyle hookups are what I like to call the "astronaut pump." It's got way too many straps and clicks. But used with just a bra that holds the pump cups, works great. Only con is that you have change your shirt/bra every time.

So, that's a summary of the feeding JJ saga. It's probably more than anyone wanted to read, but I would have read it if I was a new clefty mom, not to mention, it's helping me document his journey. :)

He's getting better everyday at eating solids, so I don't see too many problems with that. It will be nice to get the palate surgery done and then he's basically normal when it comes to eating. Dec 29th seems like a long way away, but so did June 9th, and we are way past that!

Matthew is 2!

2009-07-12T23:40:00.000-05:00

It's hard to believe this little dude was once my little baby, 7lb 7oz. I certainly know that 20 lbs can make a difference on a body, but his 20 lbs turned him into a little goofy boy. We decided not to throw a big party this year and to try to keep things simple... yeah right.

He started out his morning with balloons and a blueberry muffin with two candles, which he blew out beautifully and loved it.

Hard to believe that one day these two will probably be close to the same height. Matthew loves JJ and JJ loves Matthew, they already have a great brotherly bond. Somehow JJ is always hiding from pictures these days, usually other people have him or he's taking a nap.

Matthew got an awesome train table and set for his birthday that we luckily found for almost 50% off on craigslist and it was brand spankin' new out of the box. It's got a motorized engine and already. It rocks. It was certainly fulfilling some of Scott's childhood dreams as he set the thing up during Matthew's afternoon nap.

There are 115 pieces to this crazy thing! Many of them are hiding in the drawer because we know it would just overcrowd the table and he wouldn't play with them anyway. Here's a final picture before the two year trashes it!

This was the set that we got, but apparently isn't made anymore. I'm feeling like we got a good deal, even if it was a splurge, especially since we were only planning on getting him the trike.

Matthew loves Thomas the Tank Engine.... so we very last minute went to Tom Thumb and asked if they would decorate a cake for us, and she did!

More Trains... He had more fun watching the thing go around and round than he actually did with playing with the trains.

We were expecting more of a reaction than we got, but I think he was just in shock. He's played with train tables elsewhere, but never had one in his very own playroom! The next morning, he was shocked and remembered after a few minutes that there was a train table in there!

Then we went to the Apples' house and went swimming! Matthew is a fish... just like his daddy. We decided to go for the lifevest this time because he just jumps in without much warning. But he doesn't mind getting wet, going under, swallowing water or floating on his back... HE LOVES IT! I'm thankful, but kinda scared too. Scott does an awesome job keeping up with him, but I know it's exhausting...

He seriously just jumps in, goes completely under and then pops up, wipes off his face and coughs a little and is back at it again.

Of course, anyway that Scott can include baseball into anything they do, he will... this is catch time.

He also got a trike that he can't quite reach the pedals on... and seriously 1:33 seconds after the picture above was taken.... the picture below came along...

He stubbed his toe on the trike somehow. It's truly hard to believe that two years have gone by. Mostly that I have (well, had...) two kids under the age of 2.

Matthew, you are an awesome little kid. I'm extremely proud of you everyday. You try your best to be sweet and loving (sometimes it's hard, you are a little sinner of course). But you are the best big brother that JJ could ask for and you show him how much you love him all of the time. You try your best at so many things - golf, baseball, coloring, intently watching Caillou.

zaas/s..ss.z ,mhggfd [I just left the room to get a bouncy seat for JJ and I come back and this is what Matthew had typed. Like I said, he can be a little stinker sometimes.]

Anyway... Matthew is a great little boy. I'm happy to call him mine. I know the Lord has great, great plan for him and I can't wait to see it unfold. Your Daa-ee and I love you buddy!

Love,

Mom-Mom

No Doubt

2009-07-05T14:07:00.003-05:00

It is definitely hot in this crazy state. Good thing that the 4th of July parade did not last more than an hour because we wouldn't have made it much longer than that. Texas maybe a weird place to live sometimes, especially with the dedication some of these people have... but I've come to really love it here - got married here, my kids were born here. Despite the awful heat in the summer there is one thing you can always count on... air conditioning. God knew what he was doing when he had me born after that invention. For sure.

Here are just some of our pictures from the parade. I was usually my zoom lens the whole time, so it was kinda fun to get some of the details instead of the classic parade pictures I knew that I would eventually delete. I really like that Plano has a parade that is down the street from our house, kinda gives you that "small-town" feel amoungst the quarter of a million Planoians.

Everyday Heroes

2009-06-30T13:36:00.006-05:00

It's no question that we have people in our lives who are our heroes. People who probably aren't even sure how much they have influence in our lives. This weekend we went over our our "old" church at Lamb of God Lutheran in Flower Mound to celebrate Pastor Braun's 25th anniversary in the ministry.

I first met PB at Concordia University Wisconsin a decade ago (crazy that I'm old enough to count in decades now). In fact, a college guy named Ben Griffin introduced me to PB at lunch when I went to CUW for a visit. PB became one of those heroes in my life. He offered me a job on the spot that day if I decided to go to CUW for college in the fall - he'd have a job waiting for me. Over the next two years I found that PB believed a lot in me. He was almost like a prophet who could see glimpses of me in the future. He knew that God had plans for my life, plans that I didn't quite know yet.

PB left my second year in school and moved down here to Texas. I thought he was crazy. Seriously, who would want to live in Texas. It was the most random place to live. A few years later, I would soon follow to the Big Country myself. And PB was once again my pastor. I'm thankful for all of the times that he let me cry some things out in his office. I'm thankful that he gave me opportunities to use gifts and chase after dreams in ministry. But I'm most thankful for how he always pointed me to Christ and not himself.
So, on Sunday there were lots of people in town to help celebrate PB's 25th anniversary, including that college guy - Ben Griffin, who is now a pastor in MN. Ben is Adam Griffin's older brother. Adam is the youth minister at PB's church and also a great friend of Scott and I's. Adam is another one of those heroes.

He came to the hospital on the day of JJ's surgery and sat with us. If you know Adam, he's always got something interesting and usually hilarious to talk about. But most of all you probably know that he is able to lighten the mood in a room. That morning was very stressful for Scott and I - we had a lot on our minds. Things that we were worried about and mulling over in our minds. But after Adam showed up, time just seemed to go a little quicker. I was very thankful he decided he needed to be there that morning.

But there is another guy in my life who is truly an everyday hero for me and who had a chance to prove that this weekend - and that is Scott. Day in and day out, my husband is always there anytime I need him. He's a man that you can rely on, lean on, trust. He's got a heart to serve others and love people unconditionally. And he lives it out in our marriage everyday. Especially when he gets up at 1:30 a.m. and feeds JJ, when I didn't even hear him crying (nor did I hear Scott get up to change him, feed him or put him back down). He's my hero when after a softball game that kinda beat him up, he went to the store to get a long list of groceries at 9:30 last night.

But most of all, he's my hero because when he gets home from work everyday, my shoulders get lighter as I watch Matthew's face light up when he hears the garage door opening - "Daa-ee!" My heart jumps as I see Matthew run to the door and give Daddy giant hugs. Scott is an awesome father and husband - and Matthew knows it. Daddy is definitely his best friend. :)

Sunday evening after PB's celebration, we went over to PB's to hang out with his family and the Griffins. Matthew has discovered his new found love of the pool. This is extremely exhausting for Scott because the kid can't swim whatsoever. He is fearless though, has no problem with going under, jumping in. I personally think he trusts his daddy so much that there is no reason for him to be scared. Because of this, we kinda thought that we weren't going to swim at PB's. It had already been a long day. Then Matthew kept asking to go outside, then he wanted to stick his feet in. Well, a couple of times, we thought he was going in too.

The Griffins were there with their three kids - Eva is the youngest, turning 3 in a couple of weeks. Matthew is getting too close to the edge and Scott was trying his best to not let him in, but I decided to find him a suit anyway. As I was walking out with the suit, not even three minutes later, I see Scott is already soaked from his chest down and assumed Matthew had gone in.

Eva had walked off a step and wasn't coming back up on her own. Her dad Ben yelled her name and Scott turned to see her head under the water, arms flailing. Scott just jumped in after her. For the three guys standing there - it seemed like a lot longer than it was I think. Eva was coughing quite a bit after that and just sat off to the side with her Daddy. Ben was pretty quiet for awhile, holding his sweet daughter until she fell asleep.

Scott was definitely Ben's hero that day. When I talked to him later about it, he asked, "What do you say when someone thanks you for saving their child? Anybody else would have done the same thing." While that maybe true at times, other people could have thought twice about being fully clothed with your wallet and phone in your pockets. Or they could have worried about their own kid (Matthew was still dry after this and Scott really didn't think much about him when he jumped in - he knew Matthew was fine). I know that I probably would have thought about my camera that I was holding if I had been out there when it happened.

Just another Sunday with the Millers, but it certainly isn't one many of us will forget anytime soon. Especially those three guys - Ben, Adam and Scott. You could just see them all thinking afterward, probably pondering the "could have's" but mostly just thankful God's goodness and sovereignty.

2009-06-22T12:18:00.009-05:00

We did not know that Josiah had a cleft lip/palate until the night he was born. I know that many probably think - what is wrong with your health care that they didn't see this before in sonograms??!? But I'm confident that the Lord didn't want me to know this before he was born because He needed to teach me something first.

Our first child, Matthew, was perfect. He was the most beautiful, easy baby I could ever ask for - and people always told me this over and over. When Matthew was a baby and even now, people are constantly asking me if I have him in modeling because he was so beautiful with such striking features. (I probably should have because it might have helped pay for college, but I just thought that people were being nice.) I wondered often times what our next child would look like and if he would be just like Matthew. And yet, being a first time mom was pretty hard on me and on Scott as well. I struggled with sleep deprivation and the nasty person who comes out because of lack of sleep. I struggled immensely with breastfeeding as Matthew did not nurse well. I struggled with having a c-section instead of a natural birth because natural is "the way to go" and everyone looks at you funny if you don't. (Well, Matthew could have quite possibly died if I hadn't, so back off!) :) I mostly just struggled with selfishness and laziness and complacency.

I think all of that went to my head. I have known (mostly, heard of) so many people who children have had birth defects or disorders who are in and out of the hospital and I kept thinking - "That's never going to be me. My children will always be healthy and perfect. I don't have to worry about this at all. I'm immune." I have even said out loud, "The Lord wouldn't give me a child with an issue because He knows that I could not handle it, and He doesn't give us more than we can handle." This mindset carried out in many other aspects of my life, but especially with my walk with Christ - "I don't need help, I can do this on my own, there is nothing really wrong. I'm immune to issues or problems." Obviously, this is giant wall that Satan has helped me build for sometime. But even in these struggles, I was also feeling a little lost in my purpose. So, I'm a mom. I worked part time at home for a small internet company (which was more frustrating than fun most of the time). There are plenty of things that I used to be... I used to be in youth ministry, I used to be working on a masters in Theology, I used to be good at guitar and worship leading, I used to be on Young Life staff. But I struggled with who I am right now as a wife and mother.

Back in February when JJ was born, I was going through a Beth Moore bible study (my first one) called Esther. I've read Esther plenty of times before, but this study really helped open my eyes to many things in my walk with the Lord. Plus, it had been a loooong time since I'd been in an in-depth study of the Word. In the study we talked a lot about destiny and discovering what our destiny was. I'm not a big fan of the word destiny because I think our culture has played out weird in the movies and things.

The afternoon before my water broke, I was reading in the part of the study where Mordecai told Esther, "And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" (4:14) The story goes that Esther needed to confront the King in order to save the Jews who were being sentenced to death on a certain day, even if it meant risking her life to save all of them. Obviously, I haven't risked my life (although with my water came way too much blood and I thought it might be the end), I realized when JJ was born that there was no time for me to freak out about his cleft lip/palate. I couldn't worry about my repeat c-section recovery or being overwhelmed with two kids, one now with special needs. I couldn't also worry about "my job" or "career." Because I was now called to this position, for such a time as this... The Lord called my bluff as if to say, "You might not be able to handle this, Kimi, but I can. And if you would just lean on Me instead of trying to do everything yourself, then you will get through it." And so I consider this position to be royal, to be appointed, by the Lord...

I was called to be a mother of a special needs child and it was his time, not mine. JJ has a bi-lateral cleft lip and palate, one of the worst kinds for clefts. But even still, we have been so blessed because he is healthy outside of the cleft. Everything else seems just fine. Esther decided she was going to go the King and ask that he reverse the law to kill the Jews. Her response was, "If I perish, I perish." I read this as, "Not my will, but Yours be done."

I'm so very thankful for this child that God gave me. I'm so very thankful for the smiles that he has for me everyday. I certainly miss his giant gummy grins everyday - because that was my baby, the baby God created for me. But I am thankful that JJ's condition is treatable, fixable. I know that so many other parents aren't as fortunate to be able to say that.

JJ Update - 10 days after surgery

2009-06-19T12:24:00.001-05:00

JJ got his stitches out this week (at least the non-dissolvable ones) and he's looking good. When they took the nasal stents out, we discovered that Dr. H used part of his lip and some other skin (who knows?) to recreate the bottom of his left nostril which he didn't have anything there before, so it's pretty amazing. I didn't even think that he would need to use skin from somewhere else to actually give JJ a base to that nostril. I had no idea what he was going to do. Right now there is just a pretty bad scab there and eventually they will probably trim down that piece that is sticking up in his nose, but they are just probably going to wait for it to fuse together better.

JJ has been doing pretty good as far as recovery goes. He's definitely eating better now, which is good and we are back on bottles which is even better.

You can tell that Matthew adores JJ - they are just super cute brothers. I know that Matthew can't wait until JJ gets a little bigger. Unfortunately, right after I took this picture Matthew smacked JJ right in the nose on accident and that led into a crying fit for almost 2 hours. I couldn't seem to do anything for him. It was very difficult. JJ does cry a lot more than he did before, just like in hysterics sometimes. I'm not sure that it's pain all of the time, could just be a baby thing. He was just such a mellow kid before, crying like that is usual. Hopefully he'll grow out of it soon.

To Cut or Not to Cut

2009-06-19T10:44:00.002-05:00

Matthew's hair has been getting a little unruly these days. It was all the way past his eyes, half way down his nose. Thankfully, the curls allowed this to hide, but he's long overdue for a haircut. So, a few evenings ago while JJ was sleeping, Scott and I took Matthew outside with a pair of scissors and we corralled him between a couple of chairs. He was too squirmy to get perfect the first time, but we'll probably go and get a fixer trim soon. He looks like a different kid, huh?

BEFORE

AFTER

Evidence of Kids

2009-06-18T21:46:00.001-05:00

I walked around my house today and discovered that it looks very different from our first house, which never had children come through its doors. First of all, our backyard is covered with plastic molded, bulky items that rarely get used in Texas heat, but are much appreciated by toddlers. Our pantry that once housed a wine bottle holder is now filled with tiny snacks that are essential for everyday. My kitchen floor is tiled with pull back cars that I'm constantly tripping over while cooking dinner. We have a wealth of sippy cups and a constant need for caffeine in our lives. Our windows are never cleaned and always smudged with tiny hand prints and saliva. Our bath tubs are filled with squirter toys instead of turbo jets. Our living room is cluttered with tiny cars and giant Pooh bears. There are anti-bacterial wipes and sanitizer bottles spread throughout the house in order to try to keep away those icky germs that cause runny noses. And finally, my once beautifully decorated dining room table is now clothed with newsprint and acts as our toddler's craft table where he makes masterpieces I will probably keep forever.

So while it is very different from our tidy, clean-lined, uncluttered, fully-decorated first house. I would not trade-in our smudged windows for unsmudged ones for any price.

JJ's got something to smile about

2009-06-13T20:06:00.001-05:00

Well, he certainly perked up today after we stopped giving pain meds and went to straight Tylenol. He's only eating if one of us feed him via syringe and the other distract him with a toy, but at least he got something down. Certainly a tough little man. I'm proud to say he's mine.

JJ's First Surgery Story

2009-06-13T09:56:00.010-05:00

I believe that God speaks through stories. I believe He gives each of us our own story that was written to bring God glory. And for some reason, God chose this story for Josiah.

Scott woke up at 3:00 a.m. on Tuesday morning and fed JJ his last bottle before surgery. Then we put him back in bed and slept for about 45 minutes until the alarm went off at 4:20 a.m. We probably didn't get in bed the night before until about 11 or so, and maybe got a total of 2-3 hours. Just too much circulating in our heads. JJ, on the other hand, didn't seem to notice. He was pretty happy at 4 a.m. and I thought to myself, "He better not get used to this..."

I am definitely going to miss this giant gummy grin. If the world would have accepted him this way and he wouldn't have had any health issues because of it - I would have kept this smile. It was the smile God gave him.

Getting to the hospital was fairly uneventful. We were thankful for McDonald's that opened at 5 because they certainly have the best DP around. We checked in at Admitting, filled out the same forms we signed last week, then checked in at the Same-Day Surgery Clinic where child after child and their families kept filing through the door. There was a 9-month old Jack in for some sort of frontal lobe surgery and a 9-year old Flora that had to be carried over her daddy's shoulder for some intestinal surgery, just to name a couple. Then at one time, they called all of our names and escorted into the Observation rooms, which were about the size of a small walk-in closet. Here we got JJ put in his cute Children's PJs...

I took as many pictures as I could because I knew that I would see a different face on the flip side.

We hung out in this room for about an hour, they took vitals, weight, etc.

We played a little, got a few more smiles.

And then the doctors started coming in.... one after one they start re-explaining everything we've already talked about 100 times before. Except these people were new to me - they were young residents who work with our doctors and are just getting experience. They were unfamiliar faces and I didn't care for them much.

By this time as well, JJ was getting hungry. He was realizing that he didn't have his appliance in and he was screaming. First I met the ENT resident doc, he explained the ear tubes to me, had me sign a form. Then the Plastic surgeon's doctors, and his nurse, and then the anesthesiologist and then the surgery nurses. They spit out way too much information and you have to sign 5 more forms and it's overwhelming. It was at this point that I needed to take JJ from Scott because he wasn't able to calm JJ down and he just couldn't take it anymore. Scott and I had different fears about this surgery. His was more concerning JJ going under and not coming out, whereas mine was more over the recovery issues. Finally, our plastic surgeon and ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat) doctors showed up (coffee in hand) and they were ready to take us down the hall.

7:45a.m. - Gramma and Grandpa Vestal were with us as the nurse walked us down to the surgery doors where I laid JJ on the bed and they wheeled him off - screaming. It was hard, but what can you do? It has to be done. Then we got to our waiting room where thankfully The 700 Club was on. Ah... seriously, we couldn't change the channel. In this particular episode, someone went to the drive thru wedding chapels and prayed with the person at the window. Awful. I wanted to puke. And then Adam Griffin showed up and as usual when Adam shows up, time flies. We sat and talked about life, random things, and got a good taste of Adam's witty lines.

About 20 minutes after they wheeled him back, our ENT came out - ear tubes were done. Piece of cake. Can't wait until I get that bill. The surgery nurse, Jackie, called us every hour just to let us know that he was doing okay. They started on his lip surgery at about 8:15. Apparently it took a few times to get his IV in - I counted later and it was at least 8 pokes on his hands and feet. But he was asleep for all of that thankfully.

So we just waited and then... GILMORE GIRLS! Oh what a blessing that Gilmore Girls is on in the mornings and the afternoons - I got to see it twice that day. ;) Any kind of distraction was good. Then at 10:05, we got the call that JJ was done. I was off exploring the gift shop to pass the time (wasn't expecting it to be that soon, which made my heart race even more as I tried to find my way back to the waiting room.

We met Dr. Hobar in a personal conference room where he said that everything went fine. And Scott finally seemed to breathe again. His whole demeanor changed after those words. Dr. Hobar quickly then became our hero as he made some small talk about our upcoming surgeries, shook our hands and left. It would be about an hour before we could see JJ.

And when they said we could go into the recovery room, we had to go one at a time. I went first because I thought it would be easier on me. Well, that was when I lost it. He was all swaddled up, could only see his swollen head sticking out of the blanket. His whole face was swollen I barely recognized him. I truly thought that it wasn't him until I noticed his hair sticking up everywhere. They hadn't cleaned him up much - covered in an orange iodine coating and he was bleeding from his stitches and ears. This was the hardest part of the whole experience with me. I couldn't even go in and face my parents or Adam afterward. I just waited in the hallway for Scott to go in and see him and then I went back in and stayed with JJ for about 3 hours before we got a room. He cried out a few times, but was pretty drugged and sleepy for most of it.

Feeding has been the hardest part - he just wasn't eating at all. He took about 10ml of Pedialyte a couple of times, but the second time he threw up A LOT - mostly blood that was swallowed during/after surgery. It was awful. I just so wanted to take this from him. Unfortunately, it was right after they gave him pain medicine and they wouldn't give him anymore for fear of overdose. The next few hours were hard. But he made it through, slept much of the time. Every time we tried giving him milk, he threw up, so we stuck with Pedialyte until the morning. The night was fine, he slept most of the time. Scott and I squeezed together on the extended couch. We were exhausted. I got a lot more sleep than Scott did because every tiny nose freaks him out in situations like this. To the point where he jumps up out of bed and is ready to attack anything in the room. It's like post-traumatic stress or something but he's done it after both boys were born in the hospital too. Funny at times for me when I'm wide awake.

Scott is the best daddy in the whole world. He would definitely have taken this from JJ if he could have. He loves his boys with such passion, I can't wait until we have a girl. lol.

That day we were talking to one of the nurses after JJ had thrown up and he was just staring at her and she was talking to him and he just let out a whimpering "ha." It was a laugh like, "Whatever, lady, you are crazy, this sucks." But was cute. Normally that's how JJ laughs, he doesn't cackle all of the time just yet - just says "ha... ha.. ha...." Funny to see some of his personality coming out even at times like this - he shrugs it off with laughter.

Poor little guy had all kinds of stuff attached to him - which made everything uncomfortable, snuggling, sleeping, feeding, you name it. And those silly monitors went off all of the time, but no nurse ever came running. Sometimes you have to wonder.

We were ready to go - and the nurse said if he would get a ounce of milk down in one sitting without throwing up, she would discharge us. That next feeding was so important. But he did it, one ounce, 30 minutes, no spitting up.

We got home about 2:00 p.m. on Wednesday and Matthew was asleep, which let us rest a little before he woke up to just put our feet up. It was the first time Gma and Gpa saw JJ. Matthew woke up a couple of hours later and was glad to have baby brother home. We explained to him JJ's big owie and how we have to be very careful with him and not touch. Matthew then gave him kisses on his forehead. He's a great big brother.

Since we've been home, JJ hasn't eaten much. He's been very weak and out of it from the pain meds I think. A couple of times he's eaten 3.5 oz in one sitting but for the most part he's fussing through all of his feedings and choking down 2 at a time. Occasionally he's sleeping through them and peacefully takes an ounce or so. We have seen a few smiles (and they are cute!) and bless our hearts as we laugh together. I know that he's going to pull through just fine. He's definitely lost some weight but he had plenty to spare.

Stitches come out Tuesday at our doctor appointment and then a few more follow up appointments, but we aren't driving to Dallas anymore for appliance adjustments or anything like that - praise God! I'm not changing his appliance every day - praise God! He's going to start having more of a "normal" life.

Thank you all so much for your prayers. We certainly felt them throughout the entire process. All of them were answered. Despite a low grade fever, JJ was healthy for surgery. Both Scott and I were saying as we drove down there that we have an incredible peace about the whole thing. JJ might look like he got into a fight in the surgery room - but he won! Dr. Hobar did a great job reconstructing his new smile - it's adorable! Although he is frustrated at times, he's doing well through recovery. My parents had a safe trip down and home. And our insurance company said that they will treat our doctors as "in-network" instead of no coverage like they told us two weeks ago. Which means while it will still cost us a small fortune, we don't have to live under a bridge like we initially thought.

Next surgery to close his palate is December 29th. (This surgery should be "free" since we will have paid our out-of-pocket max already.) I will keep posting pictures and updating you all on how JJ is doing as the weeks go by. I believe about 6 weeks after surgery is when we are supposed to be completely healed from surgery and ready for the "after" pictures.

A little different face ;)

2009-06-09T20:38:00.003-05:00

It is so weird to think that this little guy is JJ he looks so different to me. But most of that is the swelling I think. He has been sleeping a lot today which I am extremely thankful for. The times that he is awake he sounds pretty awful. He hasn't eaten much which is okay because he still has an IV in. If you can tell from the pic which is kinda hard to see, they brought the two side lips to the center. Now he's got a cute little top lip. He is extremely swollen all over and has nasal stents in his nose. He recently kept down most Of his pain medicine which he threw up a lot of earlier so I think he is feeling better just uncomfortable and probably hungry.

They tell us we can go home when he is eating well enough tomorrow. Pray that God would multiply our strength on the little bit of sleep we had last night. Thank you all for your prayers. Scott and I certainly felt them today.

...... Well I can't get the picture to upload sorry. iPhone is limiting.

JJ is out of surgery

2009-06-09T10:54:00.002-05:00

We haven't seen him yet but they say he's out of surgery and doing good. Surgery went well. Dr. Hobar was appreciative of your prayers. We'll be here overnight at least to get him to figure out eating with his new lip. I'll try to figure out if I can post a picture of him before surgery. He was passed out until 10 minutes before they took him back. The nurse says he looks super cute. :)

JJ's Name

2009-06-07T22:20:00.004-05:00

I'm pretty confident that the Lord gave me the name JJ. We had recently found out we were having another boy and since my girl's name has been chosen since before we knew Matthew was a boy, it was hard for me to pick a name for another boy. All of the ones that Scott and I came up with just didn't seem to fit for us. We talked about Luke and then I realized, if I picked that I would end up with two more boys! Yikes!

Then one night in my devotions, I gave up and asked the Lord for a name for our son. All of the sudden "JJ" stuck on my heart, then... Josiah. I've always loved the story of Josiah, king at 8 years old, turned his kingdom back to the Lord and destroyed all of the idols. He did a lot of amazing things during his time as king. What an awesome legacy to live up to for our son! Jakin took a little more digging on a Hebrew name website, but it means "God will strengthen or establish." I figured that if Josiah was going to have to live up to a legacy such as King Josiah - he would certainly need God's strength.

It wasn't until a couple weeks after JJ was born that I realized just how amazing God is and how He handpicked JJ's name. The name Josiah means "Yaweh heals." Yaweh heals. We had no idea that when we chose this name for JJ that he would in fact need healing. But God did. And that's the amazing thing about Him - He always knows.

This song called "Healer" has really been getting to me lately at church. I've haven't been able to go in awhile to stay home with the boys, but it seems every time I do go - we sing it, which means the Lord wants me to hear it.

Healer
You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

My Healer, You're my Healer

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

Praying for Josiah Jakin (JJ)

2009-06-05T16:07:00.008-05:00

Josiah was born February 16, 2009 with a bilateral cleft lip and palate. He is one tough little man! He's had no troubles eating or breathing, with ear infections or anything else really that go along with clefts. JJ is a sweet, sweet baby and we are having a blast with him. Although we didn't discover his cleft until the night he was born, it has been a blessing in disguise ever since. There have certainly been difficult times, but the Lord has drawn us closer to him because of it. We have so much to be thankful for because JJ is a normal healthy kid outside of this very fixable thing.

Since JJ was a week old, he has been wearing an acrylic "appliance" that has been moving and stretching his gum and lips naturally in order to prepare them for surgery that is actually coming up in a few days - Tuesday, June 9th. We are nervous and yet excited to be getting this first surgery of many surgeries out of the way. We've heard that he will have at least five, if not 25 surgeries, until he's 20 years old. This appliance thing has worked wonders on moving things into place and we are super excited to see what the final result will be. Even this picture was taken at 5 weeks treated and he will have almost 14 weeks of treatment before the surgery. It's quite amazing!

Although we are excited for JJ's upcoming surgery to see and to see his "new" smile, I'm sure going to miss the big smiles we get now.
A couple of weeks ago we had Josiah baptised with Pastor Braun (PB) and a small group of friends.

Please keep JJ in your prayers, especially Tuesday, June 9th at 7:30 a.m. as he undergoes his first surgery. Pray for Scott and I as we hand him over to Dr. Hobar. We stuggle much of the time with all that JJ will have to endure in his life, but know that the Lord is in control, that JJ rests in the palm of His hands. If you would like to join our prayer group for JJ on Facebook - that is probably the place I'll be posting updates on Tuesday and after surgery for his recovery.

Thank you, Jamie Truwe, for this awesome pic of JJ - he's precious.

Blogging Again

2009-06-05T15:57:00.004-05:00

Oddly enough, Scott and I met through my first blog.... http://edensvineyard.blogspot.com/. I'm not really sure why I stopped after that, accept for busyness and lack of time - yeah know falling in love, getting engaged, planning a wedding and all of that take some time. Since then, I've had a few other websites for our family, but decided to go back to blogspot. Still check out our main photo site - http://www.scottandkimi.com/ for lots of cute pictures of the boys. But I'll have updates here for JJ's progress at times as well.